Dental Psychoanalysis

Driving in to work, I got that good morning feeling I’ve been trying to recapture (see ‘The Muse Has Been Having Teeth Issues‘). Felt great driving on the Kennedy, despite having woken up late as a result of yesterday’s work. Made it in about 10 minutes late… which, for waking up an hour later than normal… is good.

Even though I knew I had a dental appointment, my morning was really fun and happy. I think a large part of that is due to the fact that I focused on a project, spent all weekend on it, and walked away with something working, tangible, and something I was fairly happy with.

Which brings me to the dentist. Since I became single, I think my self-esteem hasn’t been so hot. For a good while (and even now, at times), I felt that there was something wrong with me. That somehow, there was something incorrect or incompatible inside me.

Here’s what I mean. On looking back over all my relationships… they’ve all failed. And by that, I mean that I am currently single. So… all the past relationships did not work. If I let my inner logic get the better of me, I hear myself saying that I am the one constant in all of those relationships. After a while, your mind starts to make assumptions. The constant must be the source of all the problems.

Let’s say you like to mix drinks. You make a whole bunch of different combinations. For every
combination, you use a bit of the blue colored stuff. Every drink that you make that has the
blue colored stuff tastes like absolute shit. After a while, you become convinced that the blue
colored stuff tastes like shit.

I’m not sure what today did to me. When I went to the dentist, I was convinced there was something wrong with me that needed some kind of drastic measure to correct it. What I found out was that my condition is normal, and there wasn’t really anything wrong with me, despite my thinking otherwise. I was told that I needed a small "fix," but otherwise there was nothing seriously wrong with me. I think some part of me tried to translate that, and it got through to the bigger issues.

I’m meeting Chelsea for dinner on Wednesday. I’m looking forward to it, and not dreading it. Perhaps this is a sign that I’m maturing.