My Wife Texts Me a Short Tirade Made Entirely of Profanity, Which Leaves Me Confused And Slightly Worried

January 23, 2013

Out of nowhere, this text shows up on my phone and my immediate reaction is: Oh no, my wife’s phone has been stolen.

You have to understand – there was a tremendous pause after the first message. Just out of nowhere, that first line shows up on my phone and sits there. I can see the “…” icon appear, showing me that the person on the other end of the phone is typing something, but I’m just totally shocked and confused as to what’s happening.

I keep watching and then the word “whore” shows up. At this point, I figure ok, Liz has lost her phone, or something happened… and there’s some random dude, just going all Tourettes potty-mouth on the first person in her chat history.

Did my wife forget her phone somewhere? Was she mugged? Is this the guy that mugged her? Is her mugger the kind of guy that robs people, and then has enough free time to troll people with profanity for kicks?

Part of me is wondering if we can track down where her iPhone is at. At the same time I’m thinking this, I’m looking up Alexandra’s phone number, because I know Liz is hanging out with her and Lisa tonight. So maybe one of them knows what’s going on.

I obviously can’t call Liz, or the guy at the other end of the line will know I’m on to him.

And just as I’m about to ring up Alexandra, I find out oh wait, everything’s cool. Liz is fine, and they’re just testing out what happens when they text swear words with their phones.