The Appointment

I was fortunate to get an appointment for the Covid vaccine, as eligibility for people in Phase 1C (that’s me) are opening up soon. A large block of times were made available today at noon, and I was fixed at my computer… trying to get an open slot.

I got moved into a waiting area pretty quickly, where I was notified there were 10,000 others also waiting… trying for the same appointments. The page auto-refreshed, and I saw the nubmer of people waiting grow. And also started to see the number of available appointments drop.

I won’t lie – it was a little nerve-wracking during the empty time prior to entering the waiting room. And then it was a good 20 minutes of just watching the number of people growing, and the number of appointments shrinking.

When I got past the waiting area, I was immediately shown a page that said no appointments were available. I had to manually refresh a few times, and also pick a different window (choosing a start date of 3/29 instead of 3/28 [today’s date]) seemed to goose the system to showing me a few more available options.

Part of me shuddered to imagine what less tech-savvy people did, and whether those less familiar with computers lost out on available spots.

I’m happy to say I did got a spot, and will be getting my first shot very soon. I’m still processing what all this means, and still feel a great deal of unresolved thoughts/emotions about the last 13 months.

I had a lot of worries and concerns, in the early months of the pandemic. And I don’t think those feelings ever went away. I think I just sublimated them, or found some way to repress them. I think I found some way to eventually function, without those fears and concerns taking over.

I think the main thing is this: for over a year, I’ve carried with me a greater sense of the mortality of those I love. It hit me pretty hard a year ago, and I think I just had to bury those feelings in order to keep functioning. But those feelings never truly went away.

With the vaccine so near, it looks like I’ll be able to start to let go. It’s not an immediate clean slate, but it’s a start.

I feel very fortunate, incredibly lucky to be in a position where I’ll be getting the vaccine soon. I’ve been waiting for over a year. I’ve been worried for over a year. And the simple notion of no longer needing to be worried, to be closer to a point where I’ll no longer need to fear for the loved ones in my life… it’s a bit overwhelming.

The Nearness of the Vaccine
Counting the Days

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