Sadness and Social Media

In the evenings, after work, I’ve found myself browsing social media a bit more. And the same pattern seems to emerge: I get saddened by what I see. I get down.

I think this has started since I learned my high school friend JJ died, back in late September. I sat with the news a long while, and it’s still something that is lingering for me now.

I’m not sure what I’m getting at here. I thought writing and sharing something on social media would help. But it’s felt a little disingenous, a little distant.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I feel the way I feel. To try to define – is it grief? Sadness? I don’t know if I’m mourning Jay’s passing, or if I’m mourning the loss of someone I was close with, decades ago. I guess it doesn’t matter, in that they’re the same person.

There’s a memorial coming up, and I’ve been torn about whether to attend or not. In some ways, I worry that I’m selfishly focusing on an aspect of my childhood. That Jay’s death is centered around our time together as kids, which was a lifetime ago. And that I’d just be going in remembrance of that.

And perhaps that’s ok. Perhaps going would provide me a chance to learn more about who he became. The family he had, and left behind. The person after the person I knew.

It’s been both good and bad to see reminders. In every photo I see of him, he just looks so impossibly young.

[photo via Ricardo Gomez Angel]

Remembering Jay Featherson

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