Too Soon

When I asked Liz today if the mail came yet, she said to me “Yes, but you’re not going to be happy.”

I was a little puzzled by her answer. But then I looked, and saw what was waiting for me.

A letter from the AARP.

I… was not ready for that. And to be honest, I’m still not ready. I don’t even know how to process the fact that this showed up at my doorstep. It feels like a wrong delivery. That this message was meant for someone else. For someone not me.

It’s one thing to know my birthday is coming up. And that it’s a big number.

It’s something else entirely, to have this large shadow fall over my house. To have time manifest itself in such a direct and aggressive manner. To have the notion forced into my brain that the days ahead may potentially be equal, or potentially less, than the days behind.

I’m not ready.

Related:
Lori McKenna: People Get Old
James Taylor and a Surprisingly Existential Moment During My Physical Therapy Session
A Carpe Diem Moment: My Name on a Plaque at North Central High School, Indianapolis, Indiana
An Eye Exam Leads Me to Acknowledge the Slow March of Time, Bemoan the Frailty of the Body, and Grapple with My Own Mortality
Disturbing Reminders of Mortality, On the Way to Work