A Note on Homonyms and the Difference Between Possessive and Plural; Or, How the Universe Portions Out Karmic Justice for All the Shit I Did as a Teenager

This morning, I walked over to my car and found this. My car, it seems, draws this sort of bad luck.

If nothing else, I hope to get a grammar lesson out of this. So here goes.

Hoe is a gardening tool. Ho is a derogetory variation of the word “whore.” The term “Hoes” suggests more than one hoe. The term “Hoe’s” suggests that something belongs to a person with the unlikely name of “Hoe.”

I’ve seen a few tags around the block, similarly marked “Hoe’s.” So either it’s some dude named Hoe, or it’s someone who’s consistently making the same mistake.

Regardless of the authorial intent behind this particular autograph, it’s still pretty damn embarrassing to be seen driving down the street with this scrawled on my vehicle. If anyone has any suggestions on getting magic marker off a car hood, I’m all ears.

All in all, I’m taking things with a grain of salt. I did a ton of stupid shit as a teenager, and I see this as nothing more than me getting payback for all the graffiti I participated in as a kid. Had I known things would come full circle, I would have kept more of those Mercedes/Cadillac hood ornament necklaces.

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