Who Is That, And What’s He Doing Inside My House?

So I show up at my apartment, and I can see that the front door is open. Through the screen, I see someone standing there, looking at one of the poems I’ve got taped to my wall. I walk a little closer, and realize it’s Ben.

At this point, I’m a little spooked. How did he get inside? What was he doing inside? What’s going on?

Ben, all smiles, shakes my hand when I walk in, and tells me that the door was open. I’m totally confused at this point, and I have no idea what’s going on. I think this is also part of whatever he has planned, but he tells me, sincerely, that the door was open when he arrived. He thought I was inside somewhere, hiding. He wasn’t sure if I had left briefly, or what. So he stuck around.

"Someone could have stolen something" is all he says. And so I begin to peek around the apartment.

This is what I found, sitting in the middle of my dark living room. I flipped on the switch, saw the box, and just starting grinning like a son of a bitch. I believe, shortly after I saw this, I began referring to Ben as "You Bastard."

Un-fucking believable.