Antisocial

Did the stay-at-home thing again tonight. Justin invited a bunch of folks out to see a show. Here’s the info:

Majesticons featuring Mike Ladd and Beans (of Anti-Pop Consortium) and Qwel w/ Nordic Mistress (Galapogos4) and Youngblood Brass Band

Justin spoke highly of Beans, and when he gets excited by music… it’s a sure bet that it’s something good. Unfortunately, I wasn’t feeling all that enthused to go out, and ended up turning down the offer. I’m not sure if it’s me reacting to the past few weeks of activity, or I don’t know what. But the idea today, of going out and being around people after work made me physically anxious. I woke up this morning unsure if I wanted to go, and spent the rest of the day uncomfortable at the thought.

I don’t know a good way to describe this sensation. It feels like my bones are vibrating, trying to jump out of my skin. And the only way I seem to be able to get rid of this feeling is by just closing myself up in the apartment, and not being around anyone else for an extended period of time. I don’t know if this is something that’s just in my head, if I’ve always been like this, or if it’s some side-effect I’m creating based on the decisions I’m making.

Gah. Now that I look closer, I realize I’ve heard of the Youngblood Brass Band before. a3dmofo, many months ago, was showing me his work and progress, when he was building out their site. Yet another good reason to have gone.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, and I feel like I’m making this overly dramatic. For a while there, I was going out more, being more social, eating better… and then, it all sort of fell apart a week or so ago. Maybe getting back on a regular schedule would help. Right now, I have this notion that I’d like to hide out in my apartment for about a week. Sort of a way to "store up" my ability to be social, to be around others. Does this make any sense?

It’s that public to private ratio thing, all over again.