I Seem To Only Like Sad Poems

Tonight, I got a call from Justin asking if I could help him out in selecting some appropriate text for Kent and Christine’s wedding. The more I looked around, the more sad and depressing poems I found. Next thing I know, I’m suddenly angry at myself – for not writing more, for not knowing more poems despite my degree in poetry. Tonight, I felt completely removed from an environment that I thought I was a part of.

I dug through a ton of books, trying to find excerpts from essays, poems, something that might be appropriate, for celebrating a marriage. I came up with zilch, and it really upset me.

And what the fuck is my problem here? Where do these violent mood swings come from? One minute I’m happy, the next I’m kicking myself in the face. When I should be focusing on my friends’ wedding, I degenerate into this self-pitying ball of problems. Where does this come from?

The frustration here is that… someone’s given me a task that I know I should be able to do. But, try as I might, I"m unable to do it. This sort of thing fucks with me to no end. I don’t know if it’s obsessive compulsive or some sort of power/control issue or what. All I know is right now, I feel…

alright. The more I kick things around in my head, the more frustrated I’m getting at myself. I think I’m just going to try to go to sleep.