October 7th

During my desk-cleaning, I came across this bit of paper where I had written down Ann’s birthday, to make sure I remembered to either send a gift or give her a call.

I realized that this note is more than two years old, seeing as how she died last September. And on looking back on my life, I don’t know if I did ever call – I seem to have been too wrapped up in myself.

Her death still sneaks up on me, from time to time. Today (tonight in particular) seems like one of those occasions.

I’ve had the thought, in the past few weeks, the desire… to try to drive back out to Bay City and visit her grave. I honestly don’t know if this is a genuine desire, if I’m somehow trying to be melodramatic, or if I really want to go there and talk with her some more. All I know is the thought has crossed my mind. Perhaps after my car is fixed, and the weather is warmer I’ll head out there.

Despite the entries here, I haven’t really said much about her funeral, her death. I’ve kept a lot of thoughts and words from these pages – partly out of respect, partly out of my own self-editing. One of these days, I suspect I’ll get all sad and sauced up, and write a full 10 pages. I feel like it’s all there, under the surface, but I’m just not ready to blurt it all out just yet.

I miss my friend Ann. For all that rambling I just did, I guess it comes down to that. I miss her.