Overwork

Tonight caps another late evening working, afer a long week of late nights working. And inexplicably, I have no reason for why I’ve been working so late.

The day gets filled and passes too quickly, and I kept finding myself behind. Despite all the extra time I put in, I realized that the tasks I had this week were more than I realized… and most of it was going to spill over to next week.

We’re doing Agile at work, which means each week individuals commit to completing a set number of points/tickets per week. And despite my best efforts, a majority of that work will remain incomplete, and “spill” over to next week.

Taking a step back – there were good reasons for this. Issues with the preprod environment. Late discoveries related to testing. Stuff that was, truly, outside of my control. But I still felt/feel crappy about it all, late on a Thursday night.

It’s both good and bad, I think, that I take work very personally. At times, I tend to let work define me as a person. And if I am not doing well at work, it feels that I, as a person, am not doing well.

Which is not true, of course. But it’s sometimes hard to shake that connection.

Tonight, after a long week of long days, at the tail end of a long day, I had to acknowledge the fact that I wasn’t getting my work done on time. And as someone who does take no small amount of personal pride in deadlines, this was not a great feeling.

Things happen. And it’s not like I was lazy. And the work… will always be there, and more of it. I know these things, but it still doesn’t help the bad feelings that come with the fact that I couldn’t get things done.

Perhaps it’s a more pointed feeling, given the Coronavirus. And the fact that work, truly, is the only thing I have that I’m in control of. And so to not be able to control that?

That may be the frustrating thing. And may also explain why so many of us are working so late, these days.

[photo via Anjo Antony]

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