Ugh

I was at work until around 7. Towards the end of the day, Justin, Ben and I were trying to troubleshoot a particular project Justin’s been wrapped up in this week.

So far, my neck has been killing me. My right arm has been hurting in ways that scream out "danger," and I think I need to get some kind of better mouse pad. I come home from work pretty spent, and I don’t have any "umph" to do anything besides eat and go to sleep. Well, drinking yes… that’s the given.

Tonight, I tried a ton of things. I tried writing up a poem based on my time in a hotel lobby. I opened up Photoshop and tried to start an image going for twelvestone. Tonight, I’ve been all over the place, directionless and unsure how to proceed. And to be honest, I felt crappy. All I’ve been doing lately has been work, and there’s nothing that’s been personally gratifying. Sure, the shit I do keeps my overall employer happy. But the tiny seeds, the motivators that keep me going were absent.

A year ago, I was doing things that interested me, for no other reason than the fact that they interested me. Hell, I actually called in sick to work one day to finish up a personal project I was excited by.

Tonight, all that energy felt lost.