On Renting “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor” and Really, Really Regretting It
I wanted to watch a pulpy action movie, and I got a pulpy action movie. I figured it would be bad and a little mind-numbing, but I had no idea it would be so absolutely shitty. I should have known better.
There were so many things wrong with this film, I don’t even know where to begin. Brendan Fraser for one doesn’t look anywhere old enough to be a father to a college dropout.
I understand that the Dragon Emperor is supposed to be this amazingly magical, powerful dude. I get that. He’s mastered the elements of earth, wind, fire and water? No problem. Suspension of disbelief is there, I can roll with that. But towards the end of the movie, I find out that he’s also capable of shapeshifting into different creatures (wolf, dragon etc)… just inexplicably able to do this? It was akin to just having a narrator say “And now, the Dragon Emperor can change shapes.” Except an actor in the movie said it.
Towards the end, there were one-liners that came out of nowhere. UN-FUNNY one liners that came out of nowhere. A character that I hadn’t seen in 20 minutes, who had probably less than 20 minutes of screen time overall comes in on a plane, firing a machine gun to partially save the day.
I’m actually getting ANGRY as I recap all the shittiness. I don’t know how many ways I can say this movie was bad. To me, this was essentially the Sci-Fi/Fantasty version of Finding Forrester – everything but the kitchen sink was in here.
Worst moment during the entire film? When I heard this line uttered:
The Yeti. They can help.
FAIL.
i fail to see how this movie is not riveting with a screencap like that one.
nickd (February 4, 2009 at 1:14 pm)Try “Eagle Eye” for a palate cleanser. That movie made me so mad that I punched my dog.
JVO (February 5, 2009 at 10:48 pm)I FUCKING TOLD YOU.
Mellzah (March 4, 2009 at 5:41 pm)