All Action, No Strategy

When I get home and it’s late at night, and I’m the first one to walk into the bathroom? I have this little ritual. Against all logic and reason, I have this little ritual.

What I’ll do is I’ll grab the shower curtain in one hand and throw it to one side, very quickly. I do this for a few reasons:

First, I have this irrational belief in my head that tells me there is someone hiding in my shower. It is a specific person, in fact. It’s a knife-wielding maniac who has been patiently waiting for hours for me to return home (knife-wielding maniacs being known for their patience and ability to stand still for long periods of time).

I know he’s waiting there, hoping to catch me by surprise.

Second? Since I know that he’s there waiting, I throw the shower curtain to one side quickly. And in doing so, I’m hoping that I will catch him by surprise. Because, you know… it’s better if I’m the one who takes the initiative.

I am 42 years old. I am a grown ass man. And I can say that I’ve been doing this, easily, for like the last ten years. Every time, just walking in and throwing aside the shower curtain. And every time, fully expecting the crazy guy to be there.

And for all these years, and for all the times that I’ve done this… I still have no actual plan for what I would do next, if there actually was a crazy person standing in my shower.

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This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. THIS is why I have clear shower curtains!

    Meg Reply

    • Smart! At least you’ll see them standing there, with a clear curtain.

      avoision Reply

      • This solution does, however, require you to throw open the bathroom door instead.

        Mike Reply

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