I Guess This Is A Bad Night

The dark mood that’s been hanging hover me the past week is still around, it seems. Throughout the day, I thought maybe I was just overly tired, and needing sleep. I stretched out on the couch, read off and on, and took numerous, serious cat naps.

Next thing I know, it’s dark and getting later in the evening.

A few moments today, it’s felt like trying to hold up a wall. I’ll have a few negative thoughts trickle into my head and I can feel myself take a half-step back. If I don’t actively try to hold this thing up, I’m pretty sure it’ll just spiral into another negative, and another, one leading to the next.

At times, I have this desire to follow each thought. Instead of ignoring it or fighting against it, I want to grab onto its coat-tails and see where it leads, follow the progression to see how far and how bleak I might be able to make things.

It’s been up and down tonight it seems. Currently, I’m feeling better than an hour ago (when I started this particular section). I wish I knew what this thing wanted, so I could confront/atone/accept whatever I needed to, and just get rid of it.