Existential Questions

February 5, 2025

Lately, I’ve been trying to figure out who I am. In and of itself, that’s a tricky question to ask. The context of it stems from… based on what I do, or how I spent most of my hours, who am I?

I used to be someone who wrote a lot. I used to be someone who had silly online projects. And learned about code, specifically so I could build things that I wanted to create.

Of late, over the past year or two, work has taken more and more of my time. I don’t quite code as much as I manage others who code. And I’ve spent significantly less time making things happen for myself, and more time ensuring things happen for my employer.

I’m well compensated for this work, don’t get me wrong. But there’s a trade-off it seems. The time I spend on work projects, compared to personal projects, has been shifting. To the point where I can’t even tell you about any personal project I’ve had in the last year or two.

Which leads me to ask: if I’m not making things, if I’m not creating things… what am I doing? Who am I? What value do I bring, in my day to day?

The blog is a thing, sure. But it rarely feels like creation to me. It’s more like… record keeping. Accounting. Tallying receipts.

It’s been a long while since I’ve had an actual project. And it feels like that’s something I should sort out, soon.

[CC photo via Fotis Fotopoulos]