Early Morning Anthropomorphism

Each morning, in addition to serving up Baxter her greens, I throw in an ample amount of hay as part of her breakfast. Recently, we got a new brand of hay. And every morning, as I’m reaching for the bag, I run through the same, silly little scenario in my head.

First off, I imagine that I’m a Dr. Dolittle kind of sheriff in a very rural, sleepy farm town. And I’m visiting a farm to investigate a robbery. Someone, I know, is responsible for breaking in to the grain silo, and making off with the goods.

As I interrogate the lineup of suspects, I imagine their voices. Going left to right, this is what I hear in my head:


I didn’t do it.

I didn’t do it.

I didn’t do it.

I WAS NEVER… I DIDN’T GO NEAR… WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME? WHAT’S WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS?

This Post Has 9 Comments

  1. Felix, you are insane! But in a good way.

    juliet Reply


  2. funny and absurd enough that it should be illegal to read this at 1:40a

    nickd Reply


  3. That’s hilarious! Btw, what the heck is that last guy? Rabbit, chinchilla, guinea pig, ????

    Marty J. Reply


  4. I think its a ground hog, but I could be wrong since I don’t know anyone who has a pet ground hog.

    Liz Reply


  5. Marty–It’s a prairie dog.

    Mellzah Reply


  6. You mean a GUILTY prairie dog.

    avoision Reply


  7. Only if you don’t believe in due process!

    Mellzah Reply


  8. You city folk always get me, with your “due process” and “Miranda rights” and “evidence.” We do things differently, out here in the country.

    avoision Reply


  9. Lol…do people have prairie dogs as pets??? That seems…odd.

    Marty J. Reply


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